Do make it short. The more you ramble, the more likely you are to say something you wish you hadn’t. Think about what you’re going to say before you instigate The Talk, and include only the details the dumpee needs to know (i.e., not your growing crush on the barista at your local Starbucks).

Do make it sweet (if he deserves it). If someone’s been a total jerk, no sugar-coating is required. But I learned long ago that you should always sandwich bad news with good. Let him know what you did appreciate about the relationship—but don’t go overboard, or you’ll sound patronizing.

Do break up face to face (if at all possible). It’s about respect and showing someone he’s worth the time it takes to meet in person. There are, however, some instances in which a “Dear John” letter is permissible—even merciful.