Opting out of a friendship with your ex does not mean opting out of being polite. If you meet in public, be civil, no matter what. Venting is a natural part of the breakup process. It’s unrealistic to expect both the dumper and the dumpee won’t have a few choice words to spout about their new ex, but be careful whom you vent to. If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all, or, if you’re human like the rest of us, bad-mouth him only to your own trusted friends, not to mutual friends, as tempting as it will be. It may feel reassuring to rally allies in the wake of a breakup, but it will only prolong any pain and anger.
The goal of any breakup is to survive the fallout and limit the collateral damage. Follow these guidelines, and you can know you at least acted humanely.
Monday, January 24, 2011
Don’t rush it. You’re not going to be friends the day after you break up. And you certainly aren’t going to be friends at 2 a.m. the night after you break up, which leads us to no ex sex. Even if you can have a no-strings-attached walk down memory lane, your ex might not be able to. Try to limit your first platonic interactions to public places, during daylight hours. And sex isn’t the only thing in the relationship that’s going to change: your ex is not going to be your best friend. You can’t talk every day like you used to, and you can’t lean on him for support, at least not yet. You’ll need to take a few big steps away first, both physically and emotionally.
Don’t rush it. You’re not going to be friends the day after you break up. And you certainly aren’t going to be friends at 2 a.m. the night after you break up, which leads us to no ex sex. Even if you can have a no-strings-attached walk down memory lane, your ex might not be able to. Try to limit your first platonic interactions to public places, during daylight hours. And sex isn’t the only thing in the relationship that’s going to change: your ex is not going to be your best friend. You can’t talk every day like you used to, and you can’t lean on him for support, at least not yet. You’ll need to take a few big steps away first, both physically and emotionally.
There are three things wrong with this next story. One, that a group of young folks decided to mix binge drinking with firearms. Two, that one of the drunks, 23-year-old Benjamin Allen Sprague, thought that a .45 caliber handgun was the same thing as a BB gun when he was drunkenly "dry firing" it. And three, that someone actually brought out a BB gun out at a party that involved .45 caliber handguns.
The story comes to us from Happy Valley, Ore--a suburb in southeast Portland where the housing is cheap and the entertainment options, limited.
When Sprague was first arrested back on Dec. 13, not many details were available. The AP reported at the time:
The story comes to us from Happy Valley, Ore--a suburb in southeast Portland where the housing is cheap and the entertainment options, limited.
When Sprague was first arrested back on Dec. 13, not many details were available. The AP reported at the time:
Stephen's grandfather, Manuel Noriega, helps out by doing most of the cutting. He doesn't mind though - he says something like this would've made his experience in Vietnam a bit easier.
"What he's doing right now..the troops will feel sure real good..just receiving something, knowing that somebody here cares about 'em. We never got nothing like this." said Noriega.
As time flies by, Stephen and his "ta-ta" as he calls him, will continue their good deed all summer long and boy, it sounds like it's going to take all summer long.
So the ribbon tying, writing and cutting will go on, as will the appreciation for our soldiers who are putting their lives on the line each and every day.
"What he's doing right now..the troops will feel sure real good..just receiving something, knowing that somebody here cares about 'em. We never got nothing like this." said Noriega.
As time flies by, Stephen and his "ta-ta" as he calls him, will continue their good deed all summer long and boy, it sounds like it's going to take all summer long.
So the ribbon tying, writing and cutting will go on, as will the appreciation for our soldiers who are putting their lives on the line each and every day.
PHOENIX - When it comes to homemade, thoughtful greeting cards, 10-year-old Stephen Goodman of Surprise can tell you a thing or two.
He's on a personal mission, making sure our troops know they're appreciated and he says there's no quitting until every service man and woman overseas receives one of his masterpieces. 180,000 total - talk about a tall task!
"I'm just doing it to make them feel good. Because it's not like anyone ever thanks them..maybe a couple people do..so I just wanted to change that and make it one person higher." Stephen said.
The greetings inside are simple and from the heart. Stephen understands the overseas missions and that glorious word attached to them: freedom.
"This one says you're giving us freedom, 'cause they are..otherwise without them we wouldn't have freedom right now..other ones say thank you for serving our country because that's their choice and they're not forced to do it." said Stephen.
He's on a personal mission, making sure our troops know they're appreciated and he says there's no quitting until every service man and woman overseas receives one of his masterpieces. 180,000 total - talk about a tall task!
"I'm just doing it to make them feel good. Because it's not like anyone ever thanks them..maybe a couple people do..so I just wanted to change that and make it one person higher." Stephen said.
The greetings inside are simple and from the heart. Stephen understands the overseas missions and that glorious word attached to them: freedom.
"This one says you're giving us freedom, 'cause they are..otherwise without them we wouldn't have freedom right now..other ones say thank you for serving our country because that's their choice and they're not forced to do it." said Stephen.
Do make it short. The more you ramble, the more likely you are to say something you wish you hadn’t. Think about what you’re going to say before you instigate The Talk, and include only the details the dumpee needs to know (i.e., not your growing crush on the barista at your local Starbucks).
Do make it sweet (if he deserves it). If someone’s been a total jerk, no sugar-coating is required. But I learned long ago that you should always sandwich bad news with good. Let him know what you did appreciate about the relationship—but don’t go overboard, or you’ll sound patronizing.
Do break up face to face (if at all possible). It’s about respect and showing someone he’s worth the time it takes to meet in person. There are, however, some instances in which a “Dear John” letter is permissible—even merciful.
Do make it sweet (if he deserves it). If someone’s been a total jerk, no sugar-coating is required. But I learned long ago that you should always sandwich bad news with good. Let him know what you did appreciate about the relationship—but don’t go overboard, or you’ll sound patronizing.
Do break up face to face (if at all possible). It’s about respect and showing someone he’s worth the time it takes to meet in person. There are, however, some instances in which a “Dear John” letter is permissible—even merciful.
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